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How to have a healthier relationship with FEAR

Updated: Aug 30, 2022

As promised, my next post about Fear and my thoughts on how to have a healthier relationship with that sometimes overwhelming four letter word, F-E-A-R. So, lets get some of my insights started- You'll come to find out how I express what has inspired me and things that I story tell is always through direct experiences. Life after all is the greatest teacher and if you feel like you're not learning then you probably aren't really consciously living the best life that you can. We learn when we grow as well as learn when we fail, and if were experiencing neither then we need to get out there and start making some things happen!!

Can you think of the longest relationship that you've had-good, bad, just the longest one....what kept you in that relationship? What made you decide to leave that relationship?

I can say that THEEE longest relationship that I've ever been in (besides the shitty relationship I had with myself my whole life) has been with FEAR. That's right, Fear has been the most consistent and faithful relationship I've had.

Fear is a real physical sensation. In Psychology Today magazine, they stated: During an encounter with fear, blood is shunted from our limbs so it’s more available to our hearts. Our breathing and heart rates accelerate; we sweat or shiver; our stomach “drops” and our vision narrows as our bodies prepare to flee or freeze. As much as we might sometimes like to eradicate this disabling feeling from our lives, fear is part of our survival kit.

As I look back on the dynamics that this relationship has played out over the course of my life it saddens me for a brief moment that I let myself be so consumed with keeping that relationship high on my priority list. ( Yes, the wasted energy through the years!! Ironically tho, I can say that I now can look back and see all the personal growth and development that I have done on myself and use it as insight to share and help others dealing with the same dynamics)

So, fast forward. How did I break up with my FEAR (FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL)?

I took a trip with a really good friend of mine over Mother's Day weekend to California which then we caught a boat out to Catalina Island. Each time I go there I feel the magic of that quaint little island. I always just feel really good there and I always find a way to get myself back over there, that island ALWAYS has something good for my soul there.

Once we arrived and exited the boat I remember standing off to the side overlooking the water and I do this thing-I make a request to the universe of something that I want, I speak my desires out loud and wish them away to the sky. Then I get excited because I know that however what I want is going to come, its going to come and I just get to do my thing in the meantime. Win-Win as well as having complete trust in the Universe ti deliver.

I asked for the Universe to bring to me something that would shift the trajectory of my life I a profound way-whatever it was that I needed to experience/learn and grow from I asked. Then as I wished my wishes out loud I got lost in the busyness of the island and began exploring.

We rented theses gut less little golf carts to take us around the island and sight see, caught up on conversations, tried to become photographers with our iPhone cameras and just lived in the moment.

We stopped off at this little beach club restaurant and decided to grab a bite next to the ocean and relax for a bit before we headed off for massages, which was the last thing we had on our itinerary before departing the island.

While sitting looking out at the vast ocean, my friend all of a sudden blurts out, "Lets take that guy up on the parasail experience!!" "If he answers and has time it is meant to be that we do it!!" (Rewind-we met a guy on the boat on the way over to the island that offered us a free parasail experience if we were interested-at that time we both declined out of uncertainty and fear-but the offer still stood had we decided to miraculously change our dead set minds about it)

UGH I thought as I looked at her with a scrutinized look and thought privately to myself, Shit! if she's going to do it, I HAVE to do it with her-we just roll like that, so reluctantly I told her to text him-hoping to God that he was busy and not able to take us. She text and we both waited. When the text message alert chimed we both looked at eachother with big eyes. It was him! He said absolutely and to meet him in a half an hour. Thirty minutes left of my entire life!! I at that point knew what I had asked upon entering the island that THIS was what was being presented before me. It was a chance to face one of my fears. The thoughts began racing in my mind and I became completely disconnected to the present moment while letting all these adventurous fears consume me. There was no turning back at this point, as I knew the universe was orchestrating this for me and my friend, and I didn't want to look like a flake to the kind man that so generously offered this excursion. I JUST HAD TO DO IT!

I tried to slow down the thoughts and just breathe and ground myself. It worked up until we were on the boat and sailing out into the ocean. I kept thinking to myself, F$%^^ Tanya, what have you gotten yourself into now!! Should I call my family and say my last goodbyes because my mind kept racing with beliefs of terror and something bad happening.

As we were dressed in our parasail gear and sitting on the edge of the boat speeding up, I clenched the rope and thought This it it! There is no going back, I'm doing this no matter what happens!! As the boat sped up and we were lifted up and back into the air (quite slowly and smoothly which was so much different then what my fearful mind had anticipated) I closed my eyes tightly and remember screaming 'OMG OMG AHHHHHH' and we drifted up up and up....there was a sense of relief and yet still a sense of my sympathetic nervous system going crazy. Once up and sailing I lightened up my dead ass grip and started to take in the magic of what just happened. I did it! I did it! I did it- kept running through my mind while swirling 300 + feet above the spectacular ocean. It was peaceful and quite serene even tho my mind would try to alert to a sense of fear again especially as the boat would turn it would pull on the rope we were attached to and jar it a bit, but eventually it all smoothed out and was great.I was so proud of myself that I conquered a fear that I had played out in my mind uncontrollably. I faced all the 'What if' and fearful thoughts and I just did it anyways!! I didn't give myself a solid chance to relinquish and It was one of the most exhilarating things that I have done to date in my life.

That experience that I called in from my first steps onto the island proved to be such a pivotal lesson of growth for me and learning to quiet the chaos of what the mind perceives as fear. I broke up with a fear that day on that magical little island-I now know that I have a healthier relationship with fear, it doesn't consume me how it used to and I trust myself to know the difference between gripping so tightly to fear and letting it go. It doesn't rule or occupy my life in unhealthy ways as it did before and I am so thankful for that because that whole experience has made me a much stronger of a person in body, mind, and spirit.

If you have fear or anxiety, you are NOT alone. According to a Tony Robbin's article: Anxiety is extremely common in America: As much as 18% of the population is affected each year.

I share this story because how many times have you held so tightly to fear that you've missed out on what could have been something incredibly magical and brought tremendous growth in the most positive ways? How has fear kept you paralyzed, stuck and not moving forward? I invite you to learn new ways to create a healthier relationship with fear so that you can really thrive and experience all the magic that life has to share with you- And, Isn't it time to be more fearless?!! Now get out there and JUST DO IT!! =)

For more information, inspiration or coaching, contact The Modern Day Yogi.

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