Updated: Aug 30, 2022
Yep, it’s true, I got a new attitude and I am back once again to pick up where I left off with sharing and connecting. I was feeling the strong urge to disconnect, re-center, renew and recharge. Sounds like I was stuck in a mercury retrograde for a bit for all my astrological friends out there ☺️ but ya. Sometimes we just need to take a time out to connect and listen to our next steps and to where we are being guided.
I can honestly share what was calling to me was finding my faith and peace in starting a new relationship with God and can I get an AMEN to diving into that connection because in such a short amount of time my life has really shifted in some very deeply internal and spiritually profound ways.
I have always felt my journey in this life has always been connected to something “spiritual” but I didn’t include being spiritual with my eyes focused on God, the word, scriptures, etc.
It had been focused on enlightenment, how to be healthy in body mind and spirit, law of attraction, meditate, yoga, ancient healing traditions and techniques -and all of those things have been wonderful and have brought me to this very piece in my life to where I am at now-and I wholeheartedly feel that having a relationship with God/Jesus has been the missing piece for me, the icing on the cake, it’s the one thing that has made everything complete for me-and that is this blossoming relationship with Christ.
In the past I definitely have not been the one who would ever have preached to anyone about church or God or how great He is because growing up I never had that kind of relationship with Him. As a matter of fact, I despised going to church- I found it boring and the Sunday school kids were usually really mean and unwelcoming. I used to think of all the kids why are church kids the meanest, I mean aren’t they suppose to be extra nice and welcoming and helpful and friendly? I found them to be the worst behaved.
Furthermore, I also blamed God for all the crummy things that went on in my life, from the abusive step father to the abusive relationships I ended up in and never really having a solid positive, healthy male figure/influence to look up to. So basically God got blamed for everything. All my bad choices as well as all the bad choices that other people chose to do to me. That was all pretty much His fault and my mindset. I let myself be stuck in a cycle of loneliness, defeat, low self esteem, victim mentality-drinking, partying-depression, anxiety…the list can go on and on.
Looking back at those times I can see so clearly as how I thought God was non existent and now realizing since my relationship with Him that He had been there all along patiently waiting for me to begin a relationship with Him. He is not a God of force trying to get you to come to Him, he always waits on you to reach out and invite Him in. I know every time I thought He was absent from me-He was there for me, He never let things get so out of hand or malicious even tho at times I thought things were, I know now that things could have been so much more worse and that He even tho I never invited Him in —He was still there for me.
So fast forward, here’s what happened during my hiatus from things- as I mentioned from above, I was feeling like there was just stillll something in my life missing -I mean I was eating healthy, exercising, meditating, journaling, doing yoga-basically all the things I’ve done to keep me functioning how I feel worked for me-I just did not have a lot of inner peace and contentment. I had a lack of direction, self-doubt, no sense of self purpose, just a great longing, a struggle, a battle to find something bigger, better and more omnipresent.
The stirrings in my heart were really tugging at me to find a church and try to “meet” God and see what was there for me. It had been YEARS, I had “gotten by” the best I knew how and I was finally feeling ready to go at that piece again. I looked around to some different churches and decided to get connected. I signed up to join a community group, not really knowing what it was all going to be about and accepted the invitation to join in. I had some reservations about going into a group setting because I’m the one in groups who sits in the last row in the back by the door so I can sneak out if I get feeling too anxious. I also had some email conversations with the groups facilitator making sure I let him know that I’m not a group type person, hadn’t been in a church in YEARS, and that I get anxious and shy in groups. I went in prepared to be shy and quiet and just feel out the energy of the group. I was feeling a bit closed off the first visit even tho I was so warmly welcomed by the groups energy. When I left after I thought, I think I can do this again.
That night the facilitators wife emailed me and I had told her about my prior church + life experiences and she said something very profound to me that really stirred a new thought inside of me.
She said you know I’m sorry you experienced all those things but God didn’t do those things to you, everyone has free will choices to do or not do things and it wasn’t Gods fault for all the mishaps that had happened to me.
Wow I thought. Could this actually be true? Could it not really be His fault?! I had honestly fought with that thought for so long.
I let that thought become my belief and for years I blamed God for everything.
That right there was a pivotal turning point for me.
I went back next week to the group and the next and the next and am still there currently along with a Bible study Sunday mornings before attending the actual church service worship.
What I feel in my life at this point is I know God has a plan for me, I know. I Trust Him and His plan on His timing and all I get to do in between is learn more about who He is and cultivate that relationship with a Father I never had.
I feel the Holy Spirit with me and working through me.
I feel that missing piece of peace and contentment.
I don’t feel anything is missing so to speak except for the times I sometimes feel too busy to read a scripture or have my alone time in prayer with Him-that’s when I find myself longing to connect more with Him.
I never in a million/trillion years thought I would be talking to people about Jesus and God-inviting the ones who are feeling lost like how I used to feel to come to church with me and sharing my experiences of how He works in and through me.
I just never gave it a second thought. But I will say that when your life is turned upside down in the most beautiful way possible with grace and peace and it’s because you begin your walk with Him- getting to know Him and His love for you no matter what- it truly is a force to be reckoned with and you just want to share the unspeakable amounts of joy you have by having Him in it with you.
There is no better feeling than that of peace and love and with Him is that portal through.
I’ve experienced it ten fold in such a short amount of time of saying YES to Him and inviting Him into my heart.
So ya, I’ve got a new attitude, a new spring in my step and it all begins and ends with God, The Son and The Holy Spirit.
It’s one of the easiest things you ever get to do in this life for a life of Eternity.
Invite Him in, cultivate that relationship, speak/pray to Him what’s in your heart -be it happy and joyful or on your heavy heart, and just keep coming back to Him.
If you allow that piece to cultivate with devotion your life will change. Your heart will change. You will find peace. You will experience love in many different ways.
I’m not going to say it cancels out anything bad ever happening to you again and that you might have to pray and keep praying for things because our timing comes from the ego and His timing comes from when He sees us ready. You just keep coming back to cultivate that relationship with Him.
You have a direct line to communicate, grow, walk and evolve with Gods everlasting love and grace and that right there is something so special and sacred.
I hope for those of you out there searching and looking for something else bigger, greater and better like I had been, you find a spring in your step in the direction of finding God. I think you just might be pleasantly surprised and take on a new attitude too.
Blessings + Love!!